God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1
Abnormalities of immune function, hypothalamic and pituitary function, neurotransmitter regulation and cerebral perfusion have been found in patients with [ME].
(Dr David S. Bell, Instructor in Paediatrics, Harvard Medical School, ‘Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Update: Findings Now Point to CNS Involvement’, Postgraduate Medicine 98, no. 6 [1994]: 73–81)
To bring events right up to date, things have not improved over the last couple of years; in fact, they have quite simply got worse and more complicated.
Just before Christmas 2013, I suddenly developed severe pain in my lower abdomen. I put up with this for some weeks without knowing for sure what the problem was. Eventually, an urgent appointment with a gynaecologist resulted in various tests and scans. The results a few days later revealed numerous serious gynaecological ‘women’s’ problems, some of which I was already aware of, and any one of which could by itself cause severe pain—although exactly why the pain came on so suddenly remains something of a mystery. The consultant told me that, based on the test results, she also could not rule out a diagnosis of ovarian cancer (and it has never actually been ruled out). She said that under normal circumstances she would recommend a full hysterectomy.
However, severe ME is definitely not ‘normal circumstances’, and I knew that I had a major problem: I was in no way well enough to undergo any surgery, let alone a big operation such as a hysterectomy. Fortunately, the consultant was very understanding (surprisingly so) and didn’t put any pressure on me to have surgery or accept any particular treatment.
I knew that, in my situation, surgery was quite simply not an option, and neither were the various hormonal treatments that so often come with numerous side-effects – especially for those like me who have problems tolerating medication. Therefore, I was sure that any treatment would need to be natural – dietary/nutritional – an area I have been interested in and have studied from home over the years. One of the main problems with this kind of approach is that it is slow. There are no quick results. A lot of time and patience are needed (although the latter is not always forthcoming!), as well as being prepared to fine-tune the dietary changes and supplements as needed. Whilst all of these extra problems have taken their toll health- wise generally, since following my dietary/nutritional regime there have been some noticeable changes and improvements in the gynae problems – although there is definitely still quite a long way to go.
I have had some degree of pain every day for the last twenty-five years – ME is a very painful illness at times – but that which I have experienced during the last couple of years has at times been extreme, on another level from anything I have ever known and had to deal with before. As a result, I have been virtually bed-bound. Even sitting to type became just too painful, so I have had to get used to typing on a small mobile device or tablet with a detachable keyboard (as I am doing now as I lie in bed).
The Bible makes it clear that, as Christians, we are involved in a spiritual battle (Ephesians 6:12), and these two years have also been a real battle for me from a Christian point of view, something I heard described in one sermon as being like going through a storm – and I certainly wouldn’t disagree with that. The Scriptures describe the devil ‘as a roaring lion … seeking whom he may devour’ (1 Peter 5:8), and what better time to attack a Christian than when she is at her weakest and in so much pain that it is difficult to even think straight? I was left feeling that God was at a distance, that what I was going through was unreasonable, and that the many assurances and promises we find in Scripture were left unfulfilled. On top of that, it seemed that the more people prayed for me – and a lot of people have been praying – the worse things got! I can honestly say that the thought of cancer and dying didn’t – and still doesn’t – worry me; it was having to cope seemingly alone and without the expected help that was so hard.
However, God is faithful (Deuteronomy 7:9), He cannot fail (2 Timothy 2:13), and that which He has promised in His infallible Word, the Bible, cannot fail either. There were no flashing lights or fuzzy feelings, and I certainly don’t have all the answers, but help and assurance gradually came, thanks to the wise counsel of a pastor via email, from the Bible, and from listening to hymns and sermons. At times, I think it comes down to ‘raw faith’, having to trust the Bible whether we feel anything or not, trusting that the way God leads us is the right way for us. As one pastor said, ‘We trust God, even when we cannot trace Him.’
